The Blame Game
Amy Kosh, Resilience Coach
25 May 2016
“It’s all your fault”!
“Well, you told me to”!
Blame sucks. Big-time.
And not for the reason you think.
It doesn’t suck because someone did something to you.
It sucks because you are giving away your own power every time you blame someone for something.
What? Did I really say that?
You bet I did!
“Blaming people is a way of taking off your backpack of power and responsibly and tossing it on the ground at someone else’s feet.”
Just like in camping…We need to hang onto our personal power.
Blaming people is a way of taking off your backpack of power and responsibly and tossing it on the ground at someone else’s feet.
And I ask you, why on earth do you want to give your power away?
If you are reading this then you’re probably an adult with a life, a job and some measure of responsibility, and that means that you get to build up your backpack of self-worth and strengths every single day. The way to do that is to flex those muscles, practice owning what happens in your life and taking responsibility for what happens in your life, (as opposed to blaming others for what happens to you).
Happily, the SOLUTION is a mere 3 steps away.
The next time you catch yourself about to toss your personal power to someone by blaming them for something not going the way you wanted, or the way you know it should have gone, take 2 deep breathes and ask yourself what you could have done differently to have things turn out as you wanted.
Work with what is happening without giving away your power.
The next time you find yourself about to blame someone or something, try these 3 steps.
1- Clearly ask for what you want.
2- Speak up and name what isn’t working for you.
3- Make a clear request for action of the other person and then listen when they respond.
If you make the request for action, you are inviting the other person to meet your needs. They may say no. That’s okay. By making the request you have accomplished two things. First that you made it clear what you needed. Second that you now get to make some choices for yourself.
Recognising that there is a choice to be made puts us back in power. It connects us to our strengths, and that’s a good thing!
So you made the request, the person said yes, they can do what you asked. Great! Winning!
You make the request and they declined….. So how do you meet the need for yourself?
What will help you feel complete and would give you an outcome you can live with?
In other words- hang onto your power, connect with your strengths and create what you want in ways that build self-worth.
Winning once again!
Amy connected with everyone in our group, motivating each one of us to look at one’s life with a new clarity and reflection. She provides great tools to be successful for creating significant changes in life.
-Linda, Marketing Director
“I appreciate Amy’s thoughtful approach to life coaching.
Amy created a foundation that seems very pragmatic and clear, leaving me as the client feeling confident in the process and of a positive outcome.”
-Becka, Farmer and Mom